Lots of running, no running, the pox and honesty....

What a difference a week makes. Last blog I was full of beans, full of life and full of running having clocked two really good weeks and feeling like finally I was getting somewhere. Carrying on from the last blog where I'd just done 16 miles I went on to run another 7 times consecutively before hitting this Wednesday. I never was a massive fan of rest days so unless I'm either really tired, really ill or have broken legs I just have easier runs. I had none of the above choices this Wednesday as Tom wasn't here so a rest day it was. By late Wednesday afternoon it was clear that my planned runs on Thursday, Friday & Saturday were also in jeopardy. With Tom working away in Cambridge (he's still there now) and Rosie coming down with a nasty dose of chicken pox I watched my independence and running freedom sail off into the distance. Three very, very broken nights sleep (or if you prefer, none at all) later and I'm seriously questioning wtf I'm doing?! I mean let's face it, the reality when you've got kids is that this sort of stuff is going to happen. I've not run or slept since Tuesday, I've got a really sore throat, a headache and a poorly little girl who inevitably will have passed on the wonder of the pox to Aston who has now got a snotty nose, a snotty eye and a chesty cough.

I always said that if I couldn't do the training justice I wouldn't do Comrades. I have absolute respect for the distance and am under no pretence (even with the wonder of oblivion) that it's a very long way and it requires a consistency of training that I just don't think I can seriously budget for right now. I've had a really good two weeks of running (and what I would say the real start of training) quickly followed by a non running week and my head just doesn't cope with that inconsistency very well. With the probability of Aston's pox yet to come I've spent the last few days at home wondering why I'm putting myself through the stress? I wanted a challenge, tick. I wanted to do something I've never done before, tick and I wanted to do something with Tom, tick. I didn't want to do something that would cause more stress and eat into family time that is already difficult to have with Tom being so busy.

Writing this I actually sound like I've made my mind up and I honestly haven't but right now while I'm housebound and have effectively been in my pyjamas for the last four days I can feel my motivation slipping away. Maybe that's just my fatigue, sore throat, headache and cabin fever talking but the prospect of tomorrow morning's 18 mile run having not run since Tuesday doesn't fill me with the excitement that it would have done if everything else was in place. I know that Rosie can't go to nursery on Monday & probably Tuesday so there's another two days I can't run and then it's Wednesday when she doesn't go anyway so is this not a little bit like pissing in the wind? I had a brief chat about it with close friends and a very short conversation with Tom. The answer being I shouldn't make up my mind quite yet but isn't the alternative (which is to train for something not so heavily taxing on time and energy) a better idea? I realise that regardless of what I train for, having kids and a busy husband is going to impact on my ability to get out every day but when Tom gets home tonight we both have to juggle tomorrow's long runs which inevitably means we still don't see each other. This isn't starting to sound like cricket to me anymore.

This blog was always going to be an honest one. These are just my thoughts over the last few days. Maybe tonight I'll have a great nights sleep and feel wonderful tomorrow and tick off an 18 mile run and everything will be well in the world but I'm just wondering if what I've actually just had is a reality check?!

All thoughts welcome.

H x